Before I begin, let me just say that the goats are well and spoiled, I have fluffy babies who think that I am the best thing since green peaches, and all is generally right in my strange little world.
I want to talk about Facebook for a moment, because I have a love/hate relationship with it. It allows me to connect with people all over the world, it gives me a way to STAY connected to friends who are far away, and I get to keep up with a multitude of lives around me with very little effort on my part.
Which is kind of the problem.
It allows me to become passive in my friendships and still feel that I am "keeping up" with those I care about. It satisfies my need to feel connected to others without actually nurturing that connection. I firmly believe that a "Like" or a comment (or a text message, for that matter) is no excuse for actual, physically present interaction. And yet, day after day, Facebook conditions me to prefer this kind of contact. It's convenient. Easily accessible. Inconspicuous. And I can be horribly nosy if I so choose.
And it is conditioning. It is basic animal behavior modification. (And yes, I am a wonderfully and fearfully made child of God, but my behavior is still often directed, at least partially, by my more primal hindbrain. Humans are animals in many ways.) And I am conditioned to keep logging into Facebook with the constant barrage of positive reinforcement I receive when I do so. Statuses that make me laugh. Pictures that foster my sense of connection - because we are a social species. Other, less educated statuses that make me feel superior. And "likes" for my own statuses and media that have somehow insinuated themselves into my sense of self-worth. It creates an addictive environment, until I have a Facebook app on my phone and want to check it every half-hour.
This has many repercussions. I have a Facebook friend who keeps scores of how many "likes" they get - and who from. I feel obligated to like their photos and statuses, lest I be (God forbid) a "bad friend." It throws a shadow on an otherwise highly valued friendship - I enjoy all of their Facebook posts, for many reasons, the primary one being that I do in fact count this person a dear friend. Yet if I don't log on every day and click that button, it doesn't count somehow.
There are the desktop world-changers - the ones who post a barrage of political statuses, scientific articles, and educational videos in an attempt to "improve" the minds of their captive Facebook audience. Because everyone knows that a status vilifying the president will change the minds of those who support him and fix the problem at hand. Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I respect their right to post anything they want - even if I find it offensive. What concerns me is the feeling that, having posted it on Facebook, they have DONE something about it. They haven't. No one is going to read a status about breast cancer and say, "You know, a lot of people have liked this picture of a pink ribbon - I'll bet we can find a cure with it." Please don't let it lull you into a false sense of accomplishment. Get outside. Volunteer. Donate. Teach. Learn.
There are the attention-seekers - those who constantly post things like "I'm nothing special. Why do my friends even like me?" or "Horrible day today. Don't ask." Never have I wanted so badly to hug and smack someone at the same time. Hug, because it is clearly a cry for attention - and smack, because it is blatant and self-indulgent.
And I am deeply concerned with the insidious way Facebook has changed how we measure our own value. I had a Facebook friend - someone I'd never met in person - who wrote a status containing a very basic mathematical error. I, being the snarky and sarcastic but well-meaning person that I am, wrote a comment suggesting that they might want to double-check their math (smiley face). I clearly did not know this person well enough to do so, as I was immediately accused of being "judgmental" and "grammar police" by said person (as well as several of their friends who were quick to add their support and condemn my innocent comment). When I sent the person a private message, not apologizing for the comment but explaining my intent and expressing sincere regret for the offense they'd taken, I received a single-word reply: "UNFRIEND!!" This from a person who asked ME to add them as a friend on Facebook, whose views I didn't agree with but had never questioned or condemned. It was immature and oversensitive and it disturbed me far more than it should have. Why does the attitude of this person I have never truly been a friend of, or to, matter to me at all? After a day or two of unsettled reflection, I really haven't given this person another thought, so clearly our "friendship" wasn't deep enough to warrant my emotional response.
(Cyber-bullying is a huge problem in our culture. Children have taken their own lives because of it. Somehow we need to find a way to reduce the impact of words on a screen. A keyboard and a screen provides a shield - by reducing the personal investment in the outcome and the threat of repercussions. The consequences are reduced, so people speak their mind with (intentional or unintentional) hurt and hate the result.)
And there is much, much more. Do I have the solution? No. Will I share this on Facebook? Probably! Because I am human. I have committed all of the above offenses at one point or another, and I constantly, constantly fight it. I have a "No Facebook on Sundays" rule that I desperately try to enforce, with mixed results - because it is so darn addictive. But having that one day where I force myself to interact with the world in other ways is helping to keep me on an even keel...I think! Try it and see what happens. You might be surprised.
That was a very interesting and thought-provoking reflection.
ReplyDeleteInteresting, because (as you're no doubt aware) I've never joined Facebook. Thought-provoking, because I decided not to precisely because of several of your points, although I never really formulated them in them words to myself so seeing them written out helped me clarify some things in my mind.
Two points, specifically: I was a little worried about the powerful allure that constant networking with friends seems to have for so many people (although that was soundly debunked when I signed up for Google+ and after about two weeks have hardly looked at it again).
Part of the reason for that, I think, is because like you I felt similarly that a friendship over Facebook is, at best, but a pale imitation of an actual friendship made up of effort and interaction on both parts. I want to be friends with someone because either I or they took time out of their day to do something personal for the other, not because we read and "Like" each other's status updates.
Of course, though I've remained staunchly off of Facebook, I've always wondered if I was correct at all in my feelings. Many if not most of my friends that I would actually count as such are on Facebook and it sometimes feels like I'm missing out, because I'll only hear about Friend A's doings through mutual Friend B telling me about what they read on Facebook.
Thus your post is interesting to me because it somewhat confirms my premonitions "from the other side" as it were, and my confidence to remain Facebook-free and continue to pursue old-fashioned frienships the hard way remains bolstered. So thanks for that. =)
BTW, didn't I hear that you'd taken a job at a research lab or some such? Sounds interesting. I wouldn't mind reading a post about that the future...
If you want friends, learn Esperanto.
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